Many individuals who are on the journey to becoming healthier tend to concentrate on changing their eating habits and increasing physical activity. Later on, they become frustrated because these changes are not long-lasting. In reality, the primary reason for this does not have anything to do with food or exercise, but with the people they are surrounded by.
Our habits form within a social context. This includes family, friends, work and the community. Changing habits creates a conflict within these contexts. Other people may feel forced to reflect on their habits if someone in their circle is making changes. They might scrutinize their own lifestyle, which can make them feel uncomfortable. That’s also the reason why some people try to sabotage others on their journey to a healthier lifestyle. It’s not about you; it’s about them feeling insecure about their own lifestyle choices.
This doesn’t mean that you have to end relationships. It just means that the social aspect of habits is necessary for understanding how we form habits and how hard it is to change them.
Run a social audit first
First things first, you can’t make changes until you know what needs changing. Take a look at the relationships eating up most of your time and pose one simple question: are you and this person friends due to similar values, or a similar lifestyle?
There’s a distinction between the two. Your friendship with someone might be based on the fact you both appreciate art, or share the same values, and that’s a good thing. Or your friendship could be based on the fact that you’re both pounding beers at the same bar every Friday. That’s not a value judgment, it’s just important information to have. When you start making changes, those lifestyle or habit-based friends will resist the most, often unconsciously.
This is also where tools like sobriety apps have become genuinely useful, not just for people in recovery, but for anyone navigating the sober curiosity movement or trying to build peer support around healthier choices. The community function matters as much as any feature.
The Proximity Principle is real. The people you spend the most time with set the expectations for what is “normal.” A social audit will not only reveal who you spend the most time with but where you’re getting your “normal” from.
Move from consumption-based to activity-based socializing
Many social interactions usually involve unhealthy behaviors, such as drinking alcohol, consuming heavy meals, and staying up late. While this is not necessarily bad, it can be detrimental if these are the only social scenarios you engage in.
On the other hand, social interactions based on activities provide a healthy default because the shared activity is a physical exercise, such as hiking, taking a cooking class, playing a sport, or going for a run. It becomes easier to stick to your health goals because you are not in a bar struggling not to order a beer and instead asking for a non-alcoholic drink.
Diversify your third places
The places you frequent, aside from your home and work, are considered your third places. This includes your gym, cafe, library, or community center. Third places are important because they are where spontaneous social connections are made. The concept goes beyond the physical location by emphasizing the common activities that draw people together.
For example, if a bar is your only third place, then all your social connections may revolve around drinking. By intentionally choosing third places where the common activities are healthy and positive (such as an art class, book club, or yoga session), you will likely be surrounded by others who have similar interests and are also looking to engage in more positive activities.
This concept of social architecture implies that you shouldn’t just hope to meet the right kind of people. Instead, you should intentionally seek out and spend time at places where the kinds of people you want to be around are already gathering. So, choose your third places wisely!
Set the expectation before the moment
One of the toughest things to do in changing socially reinforced behaviors is making a better decision in the moment. Someone offers you a drink. The group is going to that place you said you’d avoid. You’re exhausted and you don’t want to make a fuss or be lazy, so you just go along.
The solution isn’t to power through more of these situations with desperate willpower. It’s to have a few upfront conversations in advance of them arising. As per usual, communicating based on value has better effects for everyone involved when you tell your friends and acquaintances what you’re generally aiming for before it becomes a live issue. No one likes a “Well I heard in a TED talk that…”, but the casual “I’m trying to drink less this year” or “I’ve been reading up on the importance of sleep and so I’m going to try to head out earlier” goes down a lot easier if they’ve heard it from you before they’ve brought it up.
Most people are fine with it and don’t push back at all. The tiny minority that really pressure you about not partaking are telling you that hang out isn’t that important to attend with them around.
Use digital tools to build the right community
Your online environment shapes you just like your physical one. If your feeds constantly show unhealthy habits looking aspirational, that’s working against you.
Curate deliberately – unfollow what doesn’t serve you, find communities living how you want to live. This changes the culture around you.
The quality of your relationships predicts your health and longevity more than IQ or income. That changes what “getting healthier” really means.
Diet and exercise matter, but the people and environments around you determine whether those changes stick. Design that system right, and the individual choices get easier.
